Your webcomic is terrible, and I do not want your T-shirts.

The webcomic, or the idea of the webcomic, is great. It's a venue for artists and writers outside the cruel, gray world of the syndicated strip. It lets new voices be heard outside of the constraints of playing to the daily newspaper audience, and away from the unfeeling, uncaring eyes of editors and focus groups. It allows audiences to find comics suited to them, rather than the pablum suited to everyone, but special to none.

Yessir, the great thing about webcomics is that anyone can make one.

The horrible thing about webcomics is that everyone makes one.

News flash. Chances are you can't draw and your strip isn't funny. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you the cold, hard facts. 90% of everything is shit. There's a good chance that your genius daily about life in the dorms (LOL!!!!!!) isn't in that magic ten percent. It's crap. Your characters look awful, and the punchlines aren't funny. Adding a talking animal that says curse words wasn't a good idea, either.

Now, before I start to sound cruel, understand that I'm not speaking here to Joe Cartoonist and his fledgeling strip that he does for fun and hosts on his Geocities page. I'm talking to you schmucks that set up a cafepress.com store full of shitty hats and t-shirts to try and hawk your miserable creations to the world. Or you asses that think your readers owe you a PayPal donation for ripping off Sluggy Freelance or Penny Arcade. You people need to fucking stop. You're not going to make it big time, because you aren't any good. You've got nothing new to offer in terms of your strip's content, and your art and writing are, to be nice, fucking atrocious. Please stop making comics. Or please stop posting them until you're good.

Also, Tatsuya Ishida? I hope there's a special place in the afterlife where demons that take the form of Bill Watterson and Berke Breathed will shove hot pokers in your most secret places.

(Helix)